Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #8: Caspar Brötzmann Massaker- Home

Holy shit, how have I not reviewed this album yet? Caspar Brötzmann Massaker is led by (surprise, surprise) Caspar Brötzmann, son of German free-improvising saxophonist Peter Brötzmann (whose music is legendary in free jazz circles) and one hell of a guitar player in his own right. Actually, "playing" the guitar is really much too simplistic a term to describe what Caspar does, but I just tried to describe what, in fact, he does, and failed abjectly, so maybe it's time to move on to the album.

Home, released in 1995, actually features no new CBM material, but focuses exclusively on material from the ensemble's first two albums, because those were never released outside of Europe, and one of them sounds like it was recorded in a barn with blankets over the microphones, so a rerecording/reissue was pretty much a necessity. Plus, even though this isn't free-improvised music, the compositions are pretty flexible, so it's not a stale retread, AND, these versions are way fucking better, particularly the epic, 15-minute version of the band's theme song (well, in my mind, anyway) "Massaker". The original version, with the weak-ass fusiony drummer that Caspar used to have in his band, was slower, and had a vague swing feel that did NOT jibe with how intense the song was clearly supposed to be. This one, however, has Caspar's second and best drummer, Danny Arnold Lommen, pounding the SHIT outta that 10/4 ostinato, as bassist Eduardo Delgado-Lopez plays one dissonant chord in time with his bass drum hits (which he spends most of CBM's records doing, actually, as busy bass parts would've made these songs sound like muddy shit) and Caspar melts faces with a fiery solo. Then, things calm down for a minute as he intones some spooky lyrics in a comically German accent, but a second firestorm is quickly ushered in with a 32nd-note pattern from Lommen that returns the band to the original bit that I just realized is a little bit like the ostinato in Holst's "Mars". Anyway, it's awesome, and the pattern I just described is basically what all these songs do. Lommen repeats a lopsided but powerful-as-all-hell drumbeat, Delgado-Lopez strums atonal bass chords with intense, single-minded dedication, and Brötzmann adds a thick layer of other atonal chords that generally become lengthy, jammy, avant-Hendrix solos, and sometimes some creepy-ass vocals. Then, they play another pattern or two, and either end on some sort of coda, or go back to the original pattern at, somehow, twice the intensity. It sounds boring, especially when I tell you that every song on here is at least nearly seven minutes long, but if you pay close attention, it is seriously riveting.

This album, and most of Caspar's others, should appeal to people who can appreciate noise-rock, hard rock, metal, free jazz, and huge slabs of concrete being pressed together into a dense mass of genres and huge slabs of concrete that could give you a concussion.

I give it a 400.

Cameron's Record Reviews #1: Hypermagic Mountain by Lightning Bolt

Band: Lightning Bolt

Album: Hypermagic Mountain
Released: October 18, 2005 on Load Records
Tracks: 12

Holy sweet goddamn this album will wreck you. Have you ever fallen into a machine which was constructed out of several hundred tons of disassembled mining equipment and built by a sadistic mad scientist? Yeah, well, pretty much the same thing.

The album starts out with what sounds like the last two seconds of a song, followed by a banjo-string-on-an-electric-bass solo, followed by a swift kick to the teeth.

Alright, that's not true, the first track, "2Morrow Morrow Land" isn't a high point, but it certainly does nothing to ease you into the album; It says in a maniacal shout, "IT'S BEGUN." Well, a maniacal shout into a telephone receiver which is then run though distortion and echo. But you know.

Lightning Bolt then hands us three of the hardest-hitting noise rock jams ever created. If they did this by the ocean, they would wake Cthulhu. "Captain Caveman," "Birdy," and "Riff Wraiths" feel like punches to the face. That's really what makes this album so goddamned fantastic - you don't hear a whole lot, but you feel it for sure. Every bass note that goes through the speakers feels like a your heart is bursting out of your chest, all the frantic drumming feels like you're caught naked in a hailstorm.

It's fucking relentless. You get a minute-long break at the beginning of of "Mega Ghost" with some ethereal vocals, but this is mercilessly shattered by the crash of cymbals and the crack of snare, and from there it's a long 40 minutes until "Infinity Farm."

This album is long, noisy, exhausting, and fucking incredible.

Favorite Tracks: "Captain Caveman," "Birdy," "Mega Ghost"

Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #7: Ex Models- Zoo Psychology

Well, I was going to review renowned amateur music critic Mark Prindle's new greatest-hits package My Wife Left Me Because These Songs Are Terrible (which is terrific, by the way, and you should order it from Amazon right now) this week, but then I found out about this band, and downloaded this album, and hooo boy did I immediately love it! Imagine the Contortions without a sax player, or Arab on Radar with odd time signatures, or Cancer-era My Disco with Gang of Four's Andy Gill on guitar, or... well, I could go on, and make sure that you all know about all the different bands that I've heard of, but I'm not writing for Pitchfork just yet!

Speaking of which, I was on there today because I am, as much as I deride the culture, definitely a colossal fucking hipster, and I was reading their Stereolab reviews, when I stumbled across one by my old nemesis, Brent DiCrescenzo. Thankfully, this utter fucking douche hasn't written any reviews for them since like '03, but they haven't hosed off the shitstink of his reviews from the site yet, so there's reason yet for me to hold a grudge! Anyway, I hate that tool with a passion. Motherfucker wrote this review and still had the gall to blast Joan of Arc for being pretentious (which they are, admittedly, but that doesn't mean he's not a hypocrite!) (also, just to clarify, I'm talking about the band, not the historical figure). Also, with regards to his Stereolab reviews, he gave Cobra & Phases a 3.4, which is inexcusable, and then wrote one of his bullshit "concept reviews" about it, which is more inexcusable, possibly on par with the Armenian genocide.

Anyway, sorry, that whole paragraph, links and everything, was a typo. What I meant to say is, imagine the Contortions without a sax player, or Arab on Radar with odd time signatures, or Cancer-era My Disco with Gang of Four's Andy Gill on guitar, and you're pretty close to getting an idea of what Ex Models sound like on Zoo Psychology, but that still doesn't paint the full picture. The vocals are pained, unintelligible castrato yelps, the dual guitars sound like they're strung with barbed wire, the bass is slippy-slidy goodtime free-funk, and the drums would be cavemanish if these songs weren't full of bizarre time changes and displaced accents. The songs are all very short (15 tracks, 20 minutes)- pop structure without the repetition, like Wire on Pink Flag- and at coke-addled tempos (which could refer to either the caffeinated soda or its nasally-ingested former ingredient) so everything sort of zooms by on first listen, but if you actively listen, you'll notice how well put together everything is. That's another thing- the band is ridiculously tight. Even a song like "Hott 4 Discourse", which has a rhythm reminiscent of shoes tumbling in a dryer, never falls apart.

Basically, this is a delightful adrenaline rush of shouty post-post-punk for the ADHD set. There's no real downside except for a couple of lo-fi filler tracks, but even those are pretty funny (one ends with a bandmember saying, "This is why we're not getting anything done!), and, again, everything goes by quickly. If you like the sort of music I've described in the above sentences, this is about as good as it gets. And if you're not, go fuck yourself.

Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #6- Jesu- Opiate Sun EP

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Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #5- The Fucking Champs- IV

Hey gang, it's the ol' Billster back with a VENGEANCE with another "wicked sick" music review for all you "hep cats" out there. Now, I'm aware that I've been away since October 5th and I said that these reviews were going to be a more or less weekly thing, but 1) none of you read them anyway, you worthless sacks of shit, and B) I've been pretty busy lately, keeping myself occupied with things like formulating excuses as to why I've been so tardy with getting a new review out.

Unrelated paragraph before the review actually begins #2 (UPBTRAB2)- This past Tuesday, since Cameron was back in town for Thanksgiving vacation, DPA had our first practice session since… shit, August, maybe? Possibly even earlier. Anyway, despite the fact that we hadn't played together for awhile, the old songs we ran through sounded fairly solid, and we began some work on new songs for our second record, based on some thoroughly half-assed and sloppy drum demos I had recorded in 15 minutes, and, despite the fact that most of those consisted of one cool rhythmic idea I had and then some (read: excessive) jamming on my fallback math-rock-by-numbers time signatures (5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, and 17, all phrased in extremely obvious groupings instead of being manipulated into patterns that are interesting to listen to), those sounded pretty cool too. It was good to play with Cam-Cam and Andy again, and it gave Scooby Drew and me an opportunity to give Camtrak our portion of the money for the official CD pressing for our now-almost-two-months-delayed debut album, so that will probably see a Christmas release instead of a never one.

Now to the review…

Why do I like the Fucking Champs so much? Their influences on the metal spectrum aren't Meshuggah and Cynic and Gorguts and all the other too-technical-for-their-own-good groups that I cream my jeans over because I am an unapologetic muso (I mean, a couple nights ago, I watched a bunch of Paul Gilbert videos, and his picture is in the dictionary next to "wanker" TWICE), but rather, 70s and 80s hard rock/metal groups like Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Thin Lizzy, et al., and the electronic stuff they do owes as much to new age assholes like Vangelis as it does to enjoyable ambient artists like Brian Eno, and none to the Aphex Twin/Venetian Snares/Squarepusher IDM bullshit I also like because they cram lots of programmed drum notes into tiny spaces for minutes at a time. I guess the fact(s) that they aren't ruined by awful castrato power metal vocals (when they do have vocals, they're back-of-the-mix slacker midrange tunefulness), and since, because of that, they shift the focus of the music to bitchin' guitar interplay and little else, and because the tunes also, unlike their old-school influences, generally feature lots of tricky meter changes like MATH ROCK OH GOD ORGASM, and because the sequencing of the electronic dicking-around between the br00tal riffage means even this pretty two-track-minded band never gets monotonous, make the Fucking Champs, and this album in particular, a lot better, and way more listenable to my jaded ears, than they have any right to be.

Standouts: "What's A Little Reign?", "NWOBHM 2", "These Glyphs Are Dusty", "Extra Man". The rest are good, especially the atypical "Policenauts", but if you wanna get a preview of this fine record, go for one of those four. Huh, that's funny, in an album called IV, I picked four favorites. IT'S A CONSPIRACY!

Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #4- DPA INFLUENCE SPECIAL EDITION- Ahleuchatistas Discography

From time to time, I will take a break from my regular awful reviews to write another kind of slightly less awful review. These reviews will focus on the discography, or a few select albums that particularly matter to me, of bands that have been predominant influences on my work (and perhaps Cameron and Andrew's too, but who really gives a fuck about them?) in DPA.

The first of these is Asheville, NC-based trio (now a duo) Ahleuchatistas, whose difficult-to-pronounce name still isn't as difficult as their formerly wildly jump-cutting, now more minimalist and textural music. I'm cooler than you because I've talked to their guitarist and made him play a rearrangement of an Ahleuchatistas song at a cafe gig where he was playing jazz standards because I'm an asshole, but I'll try not to let that condescension seep into these reviews, which will be briefer than normal because this review discusses 5 albums.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I do in fact realize that Ahleuchatistas is definitely set to release another album, and possibly several more, in the future, rendering this "discography" obsolete, but I won't update this review when it does. If I feel like it, I'll just review that album, or those albums, one at a time, or perhaps, if they release enough, group them together in a new review called "Ahleuchatistas discography, Part II". This applies to any band who releases a new album after I've done a discography overview.

On the Culture Industry

The band's first album is more simplistic, less idiosyncratic, and weaker than any of their other releases, but it's still really damn good. "The Machines Became Cognizant", "Lacerate", and "A Thought Like A Hammer" (tracks 2, 3, and 4, respectively) are some of my favorite Ahleuchatistas compositions, in fact. However, their improvisations are still more scattershot and tedious than they would become by the bonus tracks on the second album (which still aren't particularly thrilling. Pre-Even in the Midst... Ahleuchatistas should've just refrained from improvising in song-length form). Also, though it's sometimes cool to hear guitarist Shane Perlowin's jazz influence a little more noticeably on this outing, track 10, "Tentacle", has a swing-feel section which makes the listener (me) feel like utilizing said influences in this project was a horrifically poor choice.

Rating: 8/10

The Same and the Other

Out of print for a couple years until the amazing John Zorn's amazing label Tzadik reissued and remastered it. This was my favorite Ahleuchatistas record for a while, but it's somewhat inconsistent. The more dissonant, jump-cutting tracks really aren't as strong as those on the next album, where they reached their overall peak, in my humble opinion. Honestly, the reason this record was my favorite was because of one track, "The Day The Earth Stood Still", which has an intro that is positively orgasmic. A King Crimson-ish guitar pattern against sporadic, overly-complex bass and drum interjections for nearly a minute? Oh HELL yes.

Rating: 9/10

What You Will

SO damn good. The short and spastic tracks reached their apex here, as I mentioned in the last sub-review. A few of them are just over a minute, but they go off in enough directions to sustain five or ten. Sometimes, this is just unnecessary, as the listener (again, me) ends up begging for one of their trademark lockstep refrains o' mathy goodness (see: "Shell in Ogoniland", which I hate disliking because the Pitchfork reviewer also disliked it) but other times, especially on "Ho Chi Minh is Gonna Win!" (one of their best titles, too, btw, imo, rofl, fubar) this ends up resulting in a wellspring of creativity that makes the most of its brief length. In addition, closer "You Know My Family" is one of their best long-form, textural tracks, partially because it isn't entirely freeform and dull.

Rating: 9.5/10

Even in the Midst...

This was my least favorite record of theirs for quite a while due to two factors, which I will outline below.

1) They really play up their improvisational, or at least free-flowing and less through-composed side, often in a fashion that is very textural to an inaccessible degree.

2) Before I got the record, Cameron mentioned it was his introduction to the band, and he has an unparalleled knack for finding a band's weakest record as their starting point and judging them for it. Sure enough, he didn't like it, and my first couple of listen-throughs kept this in mind, because I let my peers decide what music I enjoy because I'm a sell-out poseur.

Anyway, fuck Cameron and me-of-as-little-as-two-months-ago. This is a great goddamn record, mostly because the lengthy rubato-time tracks are, for the first time, comparably good in relation to the extremely intricate math-rock ones. Also, speaking of those mathy songs, they reached critical mass here in terms of complexity. One listen to "...Of All This" or "Brilliant Danderkovs" will confirm this for you. Actually, some are so complex they almost sound non-composed at points. This is a good thing.

Rating: 8.75/10

Of the Body Prone

Former drummer Sean Dail was sacked and replaced by Ryan Oslance (actually, I don't know if he was fired or just left, and honestly, it's probably the latter and I'm just a negative nancy, because Oslance, though he plays more powerfully than Dail, is not orders of magnitude better or anything). This signaled a shit for the band. Actually, a shift, but that's a funny typo because it's a naughty word and I'm 8 years old, so I won't change it. Anyway, the mathiness is only found on a few select tracks, like "Racing Towards the Hard Kernel", which is so good that I usually ejaculate after listening to it (so what if I'm also masturbating to pornography at the same time? Ever heard of a little thing called "coincidence", [or for my religious friends, "intelligent design"]?), but that's okay because the first track whose name escapes me proves that they have now merged the two formerly disparate threads of their sound and the results are stunning. That opening track is over 8 minutes long and has 4 distinct sections, which run the gamut from nimble, lockstep group interplay to invertebrate effects-laden bits. Oh yeah, that's the other thing. Perlowin didn't really use effects much until this record, and with it, he made up for lost time, but tastefully. Anyway, each of those sections are good, and it makes me hopeful for the new incarnation of the group, which is now just Perlowin and Oslance, and is built around a lot of loops and shit, I guess, because it proves the group no longer falls back to their comfort zone by default and can do whatever they want. You know what's hilarious? This is the longest review on here by a fairly large margin and I'm rating this album the second-lowest, because parts of the record's second half are nearly as bad as On the Culture Industry's second half, even though I just said they had the hang of improv at this point.

Rating: 8.5/10

SOME FURTHER NOTES BECAUSE I ALMOST FORGOT THEM:

1. Bassist Derek Poteat (now former bassist because, according to Shane, he had other responsibilities, like his family, that were more important to him, the PRICK) plays basslines that are generally contrapuntal to the point of hilarity, making him one of Andrew's and my top ten bassists.

2. Their new album should come out in 2011, so if these reviews piqued your curiosity, you will have to wait in anticipation like I have to, and FUCK YOU if you get a leak (because I want it first!)

Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #3: Oval- "94 Diskont"

Alright, gang, for my third review I thought I'd try and write about an album that people still might not have heard of before, but might actually enjoy listening to (key word: might). Oval is basically the project of one Markus Popp, a mad techno-genius who takes CDs, mutilates them by drawing on them with marker or scratching them, processes the skips and glitches that result with editing software, and releases the tracks he makes with them on new CDs that are likely to confuse and/or piss off any impulse buyer as they still sound like they're skipping. His original sources are very difficult to identify because he uses tiny little loops and processes the hell out of them, but the first track here, the 25-minute (or side-long, if you're an asshole who buys vinyl) "Do While", was supposedly constructed from a Steve Reich piece, and as a huge Reich fan, I can tell you that this is probably true, because it has vibraphones and marimbas and shit on it. Also, there's a radio-static-y noise on the third track, "Line Extension", which sounds like the same static Tortoise uses in "Djed", but that's not really likely except that the two albums were RELEASED ON THE SAME LABEL OH MY GOD THE ILLUMINATI LIZARD PEOPLE RECORDED BOTH ALBUMS TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEIR MOTHER TONGUE IS CRACKLY WHITE NOISE.

So, in conclusion, Markus Popp is a Jew who works for the World Bank and also founded the Freemasons.

Sorry, I let David Icke write those last few sentences. When will I ever learn? Anyway, what you really need to know is that this stuff is usually mesmerizing, sometimes beautiful, occasionally irritating electronica constructed from sources that are not Oval's own but that become totally new, fully-fledged compositions under the creative direction of a weird German guy. Also, there's a really unnecessary short reprise of "Do While" that ends the album, which one would think could be a radio edit if not for the fact that glitch music hasn't been played on the radio since never.

Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #2: U Totem- "Strange Attractors"

U Totem is a collaboration between members of the two bands 5uu's and Motor Totemist Guild, both "difficult" "art" bands led by multi-instrumentalist composers. In the 5uu's case, it's Dave Kerman, and in Motor Totemist Guild's, it's James Grigsby, both of whom wrote music for U Totem, though on this disc it's solely Grigsby.

This album falls mostly under the umbrella of avant-prog, a pretentious subgenre of progressive rock that actually isn't quite pretentious enough for this record, as Strange Attractors boasts perhaps too much modern classical influence to be strictly in the "rock" canon. This ain't Stockhausen or anything, though, so don't be as frightened as you would be by, say, Klavierstucke. There's drums and guitar and shit on this, and the vocals, which, despite being mostly irritating because most of them are sung by some chick who should've been making the other band members a nice pot roast or something instead of shrieking over the top of everything, still aren't far gone into primal howling or whatever the hell it is Phil Minton does. I'm just saying that facts like the predominant use of faggy woodwinds like the flute and bassoon, the continual intervallic and metric dissonance, and the lack of any FUCKIN' KILLER RIFFS, DUDE!!!! might push this into chamber-music territory as much as anything else.

Thankfully, though, none of this is simply scattershot noodling, probably because Grigsby doesn't have a tendency towards aleatoric bullshit like some other composers I could mention. This is all tightly-composed, generally rhythm-section-led stuff, and the jump-cutting motifs always seem controlled and never just random. Some of the less experimental pieces really are your everyday Rock in Opposition-ish material that seems to give Belgian music nerds wet dreams (sorry, that was a pretty obscure quasi-joke, although actually it might be a bit frivolous to apologize for that at this point, as I've made probably a half-dozen of those already. This one was the worst, though, so I guess I'll keep this bit in.) and keeps American music nerds like me from getting laid because I enjoy it too much and so spend my Saturday nights listening to Henry Cow instead of smoking the reefer or whatever it is you damn kids do these days. In conclusion, stay the hell off my lawn!

Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews #1: Gregg Bendian's Interzone- "Myriad"

In my last post, I promised that I would begin posting weekly (or, whatever denomination of time. It's all an illusion anyway, man) installments of Bill's Hyperbolic Music Reviews, a.k.a. "Bill rips off renowned Internet music critic Mark Prindle, badly", in which I would rip off renowned Internet music critic Mark Prindle, badly, as I reviewed whatever the hell album/cassingle/audio-only Laser Disc I felt like, and then gave it a percent grade. I didn't promise most of this, actually, but it's what I'm delivering. Just like a politician! Hahahaha, look at me! I'm a regular satire guy!

Anyway, onto the review.

This is one of the greatest jazz albums of all time. Now, that's a bold statement, one that I'm certain the band members themselves would vehemently disagree with me on, but this just wouldn't be a Bill's Hyperbolic Music Review without at least one ill-informed assertion, now would it? Anyway, here are the two reasons that I will use to support this proclamation.

1. Gregg Bendian plays vibraphone in a style very similar to

the one I used to use after school in the band hall to try

and piss off my fellow band students with.

B. Nels Cline is on it, and, as if his mere presence wasn't

enough, he also busts out my very favorite guitar solo

ever on the last track.

Now, my .7 readers (including me) are probably going to demand a little more explanation, so, as a precaution, here we go with that.

A. I'm not going to say that Gregg Bendian sat down, wrote

a bunch of intricately-phrased, odd-metered "heads" (as

the jazzers call 'em) and then just drew penises on the

rest of the charts. But one listen to any of those

offensively dissonant tone clusters he likes to

clomp around on, and you might start to wonder.

This is high praise, by the way.

2. Nels Cline is a god among men. He's made sure that

the same Wilco responsible for the band's two shittiest

albums to date is also a live tour de force thanks to his

guitar prowess, and also, even though he's like 54

or 80 or dead or something, he still likes dicking around

with banks of effects pedals worth the GDP of

Latvia, instead of just playing boringass, tepid-beer

rock like certain Wilco bandmates of his named Jeff

Tweedy. Also, his solo on "Tactics" literally gave me

an eargasm. Yes, I actually came through my

ears, and my headphones are ruined because of it,

but it was worth it.

Bottom line: This album features Gregg Bendian, Nels Cline, Alex Cline, and some shitty bass player who sucks because he's a bass player.

Grade: 97%

DPA is like a bear, and we're hibernating at the moment.

Hey there, folks. Cameron here.

Alrighty, so I've been relocated to Wisfuckingconsin, and while I'm enjoying the beautiful, mild Northern summer, Bill and Andrew are still baking in the oppressive heat of Texas. Unfortunately, this leaves us geographically challenged. I've decided to continue this post in the form of a Q and A.

Are you guys dead?

Nope, much to the dismay of our numerous and varied nemeses. We're still a band, you just gotta wait for us to rise again, like the South. Or the guy you think is dead in movies, but never is so TURN AROUND STUPID BITCH CAUSE HE GONNA KIIIILL YOU. That's what DPA is like.

Are you still going to be making music?

I don't think Bill could stop making music if he was restrained in a straight jacket and encased in concrete. I'm sure I'll dick around with some people up here, and I'm equally sure that Your Durned Axe will continue producing their shit and making me sad to be alive. Hopefully this summer, or maybe even in the winter, we'll be able to get together and run through some of the old jams. We'd like to play a tour next summer.

Isn't cocaine fantastic?
Yep.

Have you listened to Polvo yet?

Yes Bill, I'm listening to Exploded Drawing at the moment and it's a fine record. Pinkerton is still better, though.

What's Wisconsin like?
The cheese intake laws are hard to get used to at first, but once your digestion system adjusts, you hardly notice that you're eating five pounds of cheese a day. Besides, it's better than cheese prison. Tis a fate worse than death.

When can I buy the album?

Well, imaginary person who's interested in purchasing our album, you'll be able to buy it as soon as Bill's dad finishes mastering all the tracks and Mr. Jacob Derryberry finishes the art and we send it in to get made. This will take approximately for FUCKING EVER GOD DAMMIT. Bill, how's it coming? I want that goddamned album.

What's college like?

You know James Cameron's Avatar? Well it's pretty much exactly like that.

Later, folks.

Holy lack of updates, Batman!

Wow, and this was supposed to be a source of constant updates where our Facebook and MySpace pages couldn't be! In fact, the 3 of you who have been paying attention (including band members) have probably noticed that the EXACT OPPOSITE is true. Funny how life works, huh? One minute, you're in exotic Siam, watching gyrating hermaphrodites through an opium daze, and the next you're

So, now that we've actually accomplished things as far as recording our album goes, this seems a fair time to fill you, gentle reader, in. We've now recorded 8 songs, which is all of the "real" songs for the album. The rest is interludes, in the tradition of, say, "Feller filler" or "aimless dicking around". I, Archduke Lord Reverend Dr. President Bill Dodds, Esq., hope to include four of these interludes for a total of twelve tracks, but my plans may be foiled by the wily Andrew and the sexually ambiguous Cameron. One of these interludes will probably be the "phasing" bit alluded to in the last update, which has now been thoroughly decontextualized into just that part, because the song it was going to be a part of no longer exists, like the dodo bird, or Hinduism.

Wasn't this just a fantastically zany update, guys? Stay tuned for more of this "wacky" writing style, when I, upon encountering the near future, publish the first installment of "Bill's Thoroughly Hyperbolic Music Reviews", in which I share my thoughts with youse guys about both music dear to my heart, and music that causes a sharp pain to shoot through my scrotum. Stay tuned!

Phasing is hard

New song "These Vegetable Existences" is being written. The coda, consisting of overlapping 17-beat and 18-beat phrases, is proving to be a real bitch. Oh, the things we do for you people...

(Actually, it's our own self indulgence, but whatever)

THE ALBUM

Holing up in the upstairs of a typical suburban McKinney home with a digital 16-track recording console, we (Bill and Cameron) have begun hammering out the guitar and drum tracks for our album (the title was "We Apologize In Advance", but now, we dunno). So far, we've gotten both guitar and drums done on "Bipolar Bear", and the drums done on "Necessary Beard Components". Recording these instruments will go on throughout the week, and the bass tracks will be laid down in quick succession once Andrew returns from his trip to England. We should easily be able to knock out seven songs or so, as we have that many in the vaults, and if time allows then we'll push that number to around ten. So, this may end up being an EP, but hopefully a full-length. We'll try to make around a hundred copies of the album and have a record-release show once we're finished. Stay tuned!

Hey there, folks.

We are the Donner Party Animals. Well, this is being written by Cameron and Bill, so technically we are two thirds of the Donner Party Animals. We're from McKinney, Texas. The only things to do here are music and drugs. We dabble in both, but let's just talk about the music for now.

Something you may not have known: most bands hate it when you ask them what kind of music they play. It's forcing them to pigeonhole their art into one category, simplifying the music they labored over into a one or two word descriptor. That being said, we're primarily a math-rock band with some noise-rock, post-rock, and post-hardcore influences.

The Donner Party Animals came together on one fateful day, when the three of us happened to run into each other in a classic Horowitz brothers fashion. As we apologized simultaneously, we noticed that our apologies formed an overlapping 23:17 pattern. That's when we knew we were destined to form a math rock band. Soon, after using precious crack money to invest in some instruments, we began rehearsing in a condemned building in the bad part of town. The rest, as they say, is rock 'n' roll history.

P.S.- Since progress as a band is slow, we will be using this blog for updates on a more micro scale, as songs are being written and rehearsed, etc. That way, if you start getting pissed that we don't ever have any new fucking songs, you can just stop by for a visit here for your textual DPA fix.